Saturday, August 06, 2005

over the prom nite. so much unhappiness.. all the unpleasant stuff.. blahx.


i cant deny its mainly my fault for being so indecisive.. but i really dun mean it.. i really haf no intention of making u getting so upset n cry so oftenly over it.. i really really jus wan u 2 b happy, tts y i'd initially encouraged u 2 join s11.. i noe its cus of me tt caught u in a dilemna twice. i really hafta admit, it really my fault.. i din spare a thought of how u'll feel at tt moment when vic they all were all so encouraging n kp urging me 2 go.. i noe i've hurt u lotsa.. i really can feel it.. everytime i see u cry, i'll put myself in ur shoes n feel the hurt u r feeling.. n cry jus like how u did.. yes, i really understand the kind of being 'left out' de feeling.. its not as if i've nv had tt kind of feeling b4.. but its cus of me tt makes u develop tt feeling in u.. i haf no reason 2 b angry w u 4 not talking 2 me these days cus i'm the one whos done u wrong.. n i'm truly guilty.. i really feel v bad.. very very. but all these still cant heal the wound i've inflicted on ur heart..


dun wish 2 let dis affect our frenship.. i really dun wish 2.. guess i've learnt to understand the importance of solving a problem fast n not let it drag.. cus the more u drag, the more problematic the problem will b..


after phy tut yesterday, i went home alone. on the bus, i tot over all these things again. yes, i cried again.. cus i'm so sorry.. i've really hurt u deeply... i tot of ur nose tts gone all red n ur teary eyes.. so decided to wait for u near ur hse n trash it out.. as in, its better to talk things out rather than blah.. ya u get the idea. msged ht n asked if shes stillw jess, den ya.. they went 2 get some stuff.. den ok lor, i go mac n do my work 1st lor.. ltr when ht n jess break off le, den ht will msg me n i'll go 2 the busstop wait for jess..
sat from 3+ to 5+pm b4 ht finally msged me.. kk pack up my stuff n go busstop wait 4 jess le.. tt waiting time was horrible... i really feel erm.. how 2 say.. like my heart really thumping quite hard.. duno la.. i'm jus afraid she'll b angry n walk off, or jus shut me up or wadever.. i duno la, jus imagining all kinds of situtations.. blah.. waited for abt 5mins den she came liao.. guess she din saw me or smth cus her bus was behind another 143 at the busstop.. so ran up 2 her n called her la.. initially she said she wana go home le.. but well.. i said smth n she said 'ok lo, lets go to the mac'.. blah.. den talk things out at the mac.. she cried instantly.. i also cried after tt.. she certainly said things tt touched me n make me feel more guilty.. hundreds, thousands times more guilty. afterall, we've alwis been hanging out 2gether thruout our life in jc.. she said "'its so sad jus 2 tink tt i cant graduate tgt w u, tts y i kp encouraging u 2 go 4 the prom nite. but ur tone was so persistent tt morning.. yet when vic they all persuaded u 2 go, u say u'll reconsider.. like.. my words of encouragement cant be compared to vic they all's.." wad else can i say.. i duno.. i really duno watta say, cus wadever i say will definitely end up to the conclusion tt i'm still the one at fault.. i really cant say anything 2 defend myself.. i'm a selfish person. talk abt alot more things after tt.. den also got some time when we 2 r v quiet.. hmm.. but still feel better after talking it out..
diverted topic after tt.. cus theres no pt discussing abt the prob nmore.. theres no solution.. everything's been confirmed.. n shes given her word 2 shanshan all tt also..we really cant haf any solution.. except tt we put s11 and s12 table tgt on prom nite. talk about smth else after tt lo.. den started luffing again =) saw a mum n her 2daughters who came in2 mac n they sat beside us.. the 2 girls quite cute la.. hahahax, played awhile w them all tt.. heEx~ ya den feel better le lor.. ate dinner tgt n went home.. hahhax, i can only say jess's obsessed w the mac happy meals.. cus she luvs the toys -_-" i even helped her to finish 1 set of happy meal jus cus she wanted the toy.. hahax, but tts an advantage to me =P


jus hope all these unhappy things will come 2 an end.. on the way home, sc called me n we chatted thru'out my bus journey.. reach home liao, watch tv, den yuyu called me -_-" den like.. wah, so tiring lor.. talked so much de feeling.. den i'm alone at home also.. like.. hahahax.. reach home v sianx jiu dui le.. n i dun dare to bathe too =x waited for mum to come home b4 i went to bathe.. yawnx.. dozed off in my living room.. woke up later to sleep in my room.. bleah, but i 4got smth.. hahahx =x